Saddle Up!

Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway~ John Wayne

When I found out I had lupus, I was scared to death.  Many things were happening at the same time.  They were taking my first son, by c-section, after a routine doctor visit, we were in Little Rock, away from family and friends.  They told us they did not expect our son to live, and that if he did he would have brain damage.  He had what they call 3rd degree AV block , a serious condition where the AV nerve in the heart is completely damaged and cannot cause the heart muscle to "fire" as often as it should.  I asked how this could happen?  "You have an auto-immune disease," the doctor said," it is attacking your son , as a foreign object in your body." I think perhaps I have never been more frightened , confused,and angry.  Why was I angry? Not at God, but at myself , for the doctors had just said my own body  was killing my unborn child.  "We must take him now, " the doctor told me.  "His oxygen is decreasing , and he will die."  Then the doctor asked something I didn't hear.  "What did you say?", I asked.  "What do you want to do?",is what he had asked.  "Let's go."  ,I said.  I suppose this was the biggest "Saddle up!"moment in my life.  I'm sure others have had something like this.  Maybe it wasn't a health issue, or a decision about your child.  There are so many things in life that require us, to not necessarily lay down our fear, but to cover it in an armour of courage, and go on.  We don't have time in that moment to do anything else.  I hope that I never have to deal with anything like that particular situation again.  But, if I do, I pray for courage, not to be afraid, but in my fear, to saddle up anyway.

Here's to faith in the face of fear~ Ruby Jeanette