Don't Say It~

Mother's Day is tomorrow.  My theme has kind of been mothers this week, and today is no different.  After Sunday I can go back to picking random subjects, but moms are a topic that require a lot of discussion, lol. 
  Everyone is listing the birthdates of their children on FB, and I posted mine also.  I did however start with the date of my miscarriage in July of '97.  This is a very sensitive subject to many people, I know. It is a very emotional subject to me also. I was very excited to be pregnant as most women are.  I was three and a half months when I miscarried.  Unless you have had this happen to you, you have no idea how insensitive people are with their comments.  Mother's Day is very hard for women in this situation. You sit and think about what could have been , and the pain is deep.  I 've thought a lot about it in the 13 years since.  Here is a few of the things which you SHOULD NOT say to a woman who has just lost a child.  These are all comments made to me right after the fact.  

1.  You're young.  You will have lots more babies.  (How can they say that for certain?)
2.  It wasn't God's will.  (And that makes me feel better how?)
3.  The baby is in Heaven.  (Well, yes. But, I wanted the baby in my arms.)
4. You'll feel better soon.  ( How? )
5.  I know just how you feel.  ( No. You don't.  You really don't .)

I know the people who made these comments were doing their best to be comforting in an emotional and somewhat awkward situation.  But, comments like these do not help.
Here are some things you CAN SAY, that I heard from people at the time, that really helped.
1. I'm sorry.
2. I love you.
3. I'm praying for you.
4. I don't know how you feel , but I know you are hurting.
5. You will never forget, and that is ok.
And probably the best reaction I got from anyone was from my Daddy .  He didn't say anything at all.
He just put his arms around me, and held me while I cried.  So sometimes no words are the best thing at a time like that.

Here's to the power of the right comforting words~ Ruby Jeanette

Blessed~

Mother's Day is Sunday and I am very lucky and blessed to still have my mom with me.  As I said the other day , Mark's mom passed away when he was very young.  But , he did not lack for motherly love. He had both his Grandmas, and many aunts,  who were there to let him know he was loved.  I think it's been one of the greatest blessings in my life, that I have had many adopted Grandmothers, and Aunts.  I had Granny Jo Spanhanks who was always there in the summer to let me and her other grandchildren run wild on her land, and down to the river.  I had Grandma Geneva , who was always there with encouragement and a big hug and a kiss when I needed that. I had Mamaw Ruth, who always knew that sometimes the best thing to say is I love you.  I 've had Sister Ruby Walls, who let me know that she thought I was special, and she was glad to see me( Why? I've often wondered?lol) I've had Nan Chandler who would always offer her unvarnished opinion which is sometimes a good thing.  I had my Aunt Rachael who always let me know I had great potential and pushed me to always do my best.  I had my Aunt Lola who always lent a listening ear, when sometimes, I thought this world is NEVER going to make sense!  And I've been blessed with a great relationship with my Mom now.  It was not always so peachy, let me tell you.  I was somewhat of a brat, if you can believe that.  I pretty much expected everything to be my way , or you could hit the highway, and didn't quite understand why others didn't feel the same.  So , I was difficult.  I wonder that it's not my MOM who's bald-headed now, instead of my Dad.  She surely felt like yanking it all out on occasion.  But, I did grow up eventually, and I understood that things couldn't be all my way , all the time.  (Most of the time, yes, but not all the time.)  Anyhow, I think I turned out alright.  But, I don't know if I could've said the same if I hadn't had all these great ladies to help me out.  It's definitely helped shape me into the person I am today.   So , thanks to them, and if you are "done" mothering your own children and they are grown, don't underestimate being an adoptive "Aunt" , "Grandma" or even "Mom".  It makes a huge difference.

Here's to all my Grandmas, Aunts, and special ladies~ Ruby Jeanette

Now Why Didn't I think of That?~

The Pit~

A man fell into a pit, and couldn't get himself out.

A SUBJECTIVE person came along, and said:
I feel for you down there.

An OBJECTIVE person came along, and said:
"It's logical that someone would fall down there."

A   Pharisee said:
"Only bad people fall in the pit."

A MATHEMATICIAN
calculated how the man fell into the pit.

A NEWS REPORTER
wanted the exclusive story on his pit.

A FUNDAMENTALIST said
"You deserve your pit."

An I.R.S. agent
asked if the man was paying taxes on the pit.

A SELF-PITYING person said:
"You haven't seen anything until you've seen MY pit."

A CHARISMATIC said:
"Just confess that you're not in the pit."

An OPTIMIST said:
"Things could be worse."

A PESSIMIST said:
"Things will GET worse."

JESUS seeing the man , took him by the hand and LIFTED HIM OUT of the pit.


Which person will you be? ~ Ruby Jeanette

BigFoot~

To All  Mothers Everywhere~

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Mother's Day is this Sunday, and I am blessed to still have my mother.  Mark's mom died when he was really young, and so Mother's Day is sometimes hard for him.  Mothers as a whole are not celebrated enough I don 't think.  I mean sure, we have Mother's Day, but really what else do we do to celebrate the position of motherhood?  The entire idea of mothers actually has diminished in society's eyes.  Women aren't much interested in staying at home, and mothering.  Now, I'm not talking about single mothers, who must work to support their children.  And I probably will offend some people by this statement.  It's not meant to be offensive.  I am however tired of people assuming that because I choose to stay home with my children , and be a "full-time" mother ( is there any other kind?) , that my life is somehow less fulfilling than theirs.  I don't make comments to them, about "Why are you working?  Or going to school, etc?"  I do not judge them for their choices.  It would be great if I could say the same.  The comments of , "Doesn't it drive you crazy to be home all the time with your kids?" , and "Well , I wish we could "afford"  for me to stay home." , are really not fair.  We make sacrifices for me to be able to stay home.  And no, it doesn't drive me bonkers to be with my kids all day.  And no, I 'm not a dummy.  I could have gone to school, it wasn't for lack of smarts.  But, the whole point of this soap-box speech, lol, is that they are MY choices.  You made YOUR choices, and I don't fault you for them.  I don't feel compelled to tell working women , "Why don't you stay home?"  But for some strange reason , some of them feel compelled to say "Oh, you mean you don't WORK?"  Please afford me more respect than that! I mean really!  A non -working mother is like BigFoot, a non -existent animal!We ALL work!  I am glad to be a mother, and glad to be home.  If that isn't your cup of tea, I'm glad for you too!  Mutual respect would go a long way!  As they say on FB,  "Just sayin'. "


Here's to the wisdom of mothers everywhere~ Ruby Jeanette

Sunshine~

Isn't it glorious to see the sun today?  I was beginning to despair of ever seeing it again.  It seemed as if the whole world had gone gray forever.   Having had   such a long stretch of rain, made me think of Noah, and how he and his family must have felt on the ark.  Rain for forty days and nights, and then many , many days of waiting for the waters to recede.  The monotony of it all.  The feeding and caring of the animals, and the rocking of the boat.  The tedium.  The fear.  The smell!  Animals of all kinds mooing, calling, chirping.   The worry that perhaps they had done the wrong thing in trusting the Lord after all.  Finally , the leaving of the safety of the ark after so many days.  It must have been scary. Wondering what the earth would look like after such upheaval.  How happy the animals must have been to feel the solid earth under their feet again!  The concern of Noah's family as they worried about what would happen next.  It's human nature after all , to question, what will become of us now? How do we go forward on an earth devoid of all human life, other than our own?   Then the words of God, Never again.  Never again will I cover the earth with water.  I do set my bow in the clouds as a reminder of this promise.  The reassurance Noah had to have felt! It was not all for nothing. God had a plan .  The whole time we were in the ark, and always!  God had a plan!  The same holds true for us today.  God has a plan!


Here's to God's plan for us all~ Ruby Jeanette

Who Am I?~

This is a poem I wrote about a week ago.  Sometimes we see people every day and think we know them , but there are always hidden depths that we don't see.  This poem is not really about me, it's not really about any one person, so friends of mine, don't freak out thinking I'm some sort of two -faced chick!  What you see with me is pretty much what you get,(well, most of the time, lol!)  Nah, sometimes it's just fun to write a little something dark, and keep ya' guessin'. 





Mirage~
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I am just a shell- nothing lives inside of me,
I am only a mirror , reflecting you from me.
Stand before it, take what you will,
And see what you want to see.

I learned long ago in time,
to never let my true feelings show.
To betray them is a weakness,
the gap where the knife will go.

The real me is behind the frame,
hidden under the silvered glass,
only a fleeting image ripples,
one glance and the moment has passed.

There's no escape from the leaded shell,
no reason left to try.
For I am just a vapour,
caught between the dark and light.

So don't think the images that you have formed,
are the person I really am.
It's all just an illusion,
a trick of light, a sham.

Don't think you have me figured out,
there's much more left to know.
But you will never comprehend,
I'll never let it show.


Ruby Jeanette

Stuff and Nonsense~

Here is a poem I wrote today.  I was thinking about all the rain, and somehow the wheels in my head turned around this idea.  Don't ask me how, I don't know, lol.



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Roosters In My Bathtub~
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There are roosters in my bathtub,
and they're splashing all about.
They're frothing up the bubbles,
they're hopping in and out.

They're leaving three-toed footprints.
up and down the floor.
They're firing off their water guns,
at the target on the door.

I'm not sure how they got here,
or where they'll go back to,
But roosters in my bathtub?
This simply will not do.


Ruby Jeanette