Don't Say It~

Mother's Day is tomorrow.  My theme has kind of been mothers this week, and today is no different.  After Sunday I can go back to picking random subjects, but moms are a topic that require a lot of discussion, lol. 
  Everyone is listing the birthdates of their children on FB, and I posted mine also.  I did however start with the date of my miscarriage in July of '97.  This is a very sensitive subject to many people, I know. It is a very emotional subject to me also. I was very excited to be pregnant as most women are.  I was three and a half months when I miscarried.  Unless you have had this happen to you, you have no idea how insensitive people are with their comments.  Mother's Day is very hard for women in this situation. You sit and think about what could have been , and the pain is deep.  I 've thought a lot about it in the 13 years since.  Here is a few of the things which you SHOULD NOT say to a woman who has just lost a child.  These are all comments made to me right after the fact.  

1.  You're young.  You will have lots more babies.  (How can they say that for certain?)
2.  It wasn't God's will.  (And that makes me feel better how?)
3.  The baby is in Heaven.  (Well, yes. But, I wanted the baby in my arms.)
4. You'll feel better soon.  ( How? )
5.  I know just how you feel.  ( No. You don't.  You really don't .)

I know the people who made these comments were doing their best to be comforting in an emotional and somewhat awkward situation.  But, comments like these do not help.
Here are some things you CAN SAY, that I heard from people at the time, that really helped.
1. I'm sorry.
2. I love you.
3. I'm praying for you.
4. I don't know how you feel , but I know you are hurting.
5. You will never forget, and that is ok.
And probably the best reaction I got from anyone was from my Daddy .  He didn't say anything at all.
He just put his arms around me, and held me while I cried.  So sometimes no words are the best thing at a time like that.

Here's to the power of the right comforting words~ Ruby Jeanette