Can't I Have ONE?~

Yesterday I posted a "funny" thing, so today I am posting a "fearless" thing .  Well, it's kind of a fearless/furious thing about life that I kind of wanted to get off my chest.  Big breath,  whew, here goes.

I feel bad.  I mean , really physically bad.  I never, ever tell complete strangers that.  But I kind of figure, well, after nearly a year, maybe we aren't complete strangers.  I don't share a lot about feeling bad.  I always think everyone has their own struggles, problems, and  concerns, and it really makes other people feel bad because there is nothing they can do.  You can pray, I know, and I'll accept all the help I can get in that department! 
  The thing is , it's not even anything real specific.  I DO have major ulcers and lesions in my mouth and on my gums right now.  That's a "lupus thing".  I 've had them before, but it's been a long time since I had any this bad.  But the weird thing is with lupus and auto immune diseases you get this condition called "malaise".  Which is really just a fancy way of saying your body feels out of sorts with itself.  Imagine that feeling you get when you know you're coming down with something , but don't really know what.  Like the flu.  Or some type of virus.  You feel really "blah" and just can't seem to get going.  You're tired for no reason, and the couch and warm covers seem like the perfect place to be.
  I guess that' s the really sucky thing about a chronic illness.  It's not even the "big" things that get you down.  It's the nagging, seemingly little things.  Like persistent fatigue, mouth ulcers, joint pain, or lack of energy.  Yeah, a couple of days a year with those type of things, and you manage.  But after a while, the very monotony , all  day ,  every day,  of the annoying symptoms start to overwhelm you. Like your own body is giving you the Chinese water torture treatment, or scratching invisible  fingernails on a chalkboard. 
  So , that's it. In a nutshell.  I've got a physical thing to deal with, and I'm sure everyone out there has their own "little" things that frustrate them every day.  Soooooo.......
I've had my ONE grouch session for the year! Although as blessed as I really am, even ONE seems more than I am due.I 'm not trying to bum anyone out, or even collect pity from anyone.  No pity needed! :) It is what it is.  I am here, and I'm grateful that everything is as well as it is. You know with illness , it's not even anyone's fault, so you can't even really be angry! My genetic lottery just was not a winning hand for me.  But , you know, I feel better now.  Sometimes it helps to be able to tell someone , anyone! about what is going on  with our lives.  So, now that I've turned my frown upside down for the day, maybe I'll get my pillow and a good book.  An Ibuprofen and a cup of milk.  I think I hear the couch and covers calling my name. 

Here's to taking care of yourself , when you need it, and thanks for listening.........~ Ruby Jeanette